


Pillars and Roads

by ArcherAnders



Series: Archer and Anders [6]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Angst, Dom/sub, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-06
Updated: 2011-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-23 11:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherAnders/pseuds/ArcherAnders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders is struggling in the Deep Roads during the Legacy mission.  Luckily Hawke is there to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pillars and Roads

"Come on, Anders. Just think about happier thoughts. Like kittens and bunnies and cheesecake. You _love_ cheesecake."

The mage replied with a groan, hands tightly gripping his head. "I can't make them stop!"

"Darling, everyone already thinks I'm insane for living with Kirkwall's resident crazy mage. You're only proving them right here."

"You're not helping him, Big Brother," Bethany replied, angry that all of the warrior's attempts to comfort his lover seemed to be half-arsed. When she was granted a leave from the Circle to accompany her brother into the Deep Roads, she couldn't possibly have foreseen the events that were to take place there. So many things about her family had come to light on their continuing journey, and that included the relationship her brother shared with Anders. It had been years since she had seen the older warrior, and she had only heard from him once to inform her of their mother's death, though he assured her that he wrote more often. It was no secret that letters were often intercepted before reaching the mage's of the Circle, especially when being sent by the Champion and mage-supporter, Archer Hawke. Even if he had written more letters, the mage doubted that he would make mention of his relationship considering who the other party was.

"What else am I supposed to do, Beth? Nothing I'm saying is doing anything!" The warrior groaned in frustration. His sister was absolutely right; he wasn't helping in the slightest, but he just didn't know what else to do. Anders had begged him to leave him behind when he went to the Deep Roads. _And not the sexy kind of begging._ The mage hated the series of tunnels below the earth, just as any sane person would. But, because he was a Grey Warden, he struggled greatly down there, the call of the Archdemon breathing down his neck. The first time they had ventured down below together, Anders complained, but he appeared to have no trouble holding himself together. This time, the warrior could tell that his lover was on the verge of a breakdown, and he felt utterly helpless in his attempts to comfort him.

"Nothing you're saying is helping because he doesn't seem to be hearing you," Isabela offered. And she was right; between the occasional groan about his discomfort, the mage was completely lost in his own mind, following the others blindly as they continued along their path.

"We'll stop here for the night…day…whatever bloody time it is," Hawke said as they found their way to a space just off of the path, surrounded by a group of fallen pillars. "You two set up camp, and I'll see what I can do about him." His sister and the pirate each nodded and went on to start a fire.

The warrior walked over to Anders who was staring blankly at a pile of rubble on the ground. Moving behind him, he gently placed a large, gauntleted hand on his right shoulder. "If I'm going to be able to help you, you're going to need to talk to me."

"I don't know how many times I told you that I didn't want to be down here," the mage finally replied after what seemed like a lifetime. "I can't handle it down here."

"Nobody likes it down here, Darling. You said it yourself – the taint is just awful. It's smelly and disgusting. It's almost like something wants you to stay out of here. Well I've had just about enough of it. I'll be writing a terribly passive-aggressive letter describing what a bad time we've had down here and how we'll never be coming back. Once they realize who I am and all of the powerful friends I have, they'll be sure to get this place back into a beautiful state for the sake of business."

The mage rolled his shoulders, shoving off his lover's hand. "I asked you to leave me behind, and you didn't."

Hawke turned to look back at his other two companions. Both had their eyes fixed on the two lovers but quickly averted their gazes back to the fire, their shoes – anything. The warrior frowned and wrapped a hand around the blonde's arm, pulling him in his direction. "How about we take a walk?" The mage simply sighed and began to walk with the other man. They ventured off in silence a short distance until they came upon a cylindrical stone room made up of large pillars and a domed roof. After careful inspection of the space, the warrior leaned up against a pillar, back to the stone, and spoke.

"Anders, I asked you to come because I needed you here. And you came here at your own free will; I didn't drag you kicking and screaming."

"Do not pin this on me, Hawke! I came because I love you even though you knew how badly I wanted to just go back home. Your sister's a healer, for Andraste's sake! Don't bullshit me by saying you needed me."

Since the day they had professed their love for one another, the warrior couldn't recall a single time that Anders had called him by his last name. It stung, so cold and impersonal. But he could see the hurt, the distance in those amber eyes, and he knew it was hardly his lover speaking. "I did need you here, Anders! Sure I have Bethany – she's a healer and my blood. But we've been apart so long that sometimes I feel like she's just a distant memory. You-" There was a hitch in his breath as he tried to continue. _Pull yourself together, man! You're stronger and better than this – Champion, hero, handsome, king of romance. Alright, confidence and strength restored._ "You're my family now. You've stood by my side through everything, and I needed you here because I was scared of what I'd find. I just wanted the security of having you next to me."

The mage could hardly bring himself to look at the other man. His head was swimming, waves of thoughts belonging to other beings besides himself threatening to make him crash and drown. Yet, somewhere between the ever-growing presence of the spirit inhabiting him and the cries and call of the darkspawn, he tried to process his own thoughts of guilt and understanding.

"I know that's selfish, as is most everything I do," the warrior continued. "But you have to know that I would have _never_ allowed you to come here had I known what this would do to you." He pushed himself off the column and embraced the other man, and he finally let out a sigh of relief once he felt the mage's arms wrap around him, head nestling against the bare skin of his neck.

"Can we just make an early start after we've rested so we can finish up with everything? I just want to get back home where I have a little more control over myself. I feel utterly helpless in my own body; my own head. It's like, at any moment, I'm going to lose it and he'll take over. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being dangerous. You-"

Hawke pulled back, keeping the other man at arm's length. "If you say one more thing about me needing finding someone else, I will punch you in that beautiful face of yours. I'm standing by you and your crazy and Justice and the taint no matter what, and you should know that by now. I said I wanted to be with you until the day we die, and I meant that. Be it tomorrow or when you actually get your Calling, I'll be there next to you. Lovely, you failing to mention that last one to me, Darling."

Anders pinched the bridge of his nose between his right thumb and forefinger. That was something he and Hawke would definitely need to discuss. But that was better left for the quiet back at the estate, if they ever made it home. He shook the thought the best he could. "I have never understood why you stay with me."

"Besides the sex?" the warrior asked with a sly smile. He licked his lips and looked down. "I stay with you for many reasons. Love and such. But you also stay with me, and I realize that's not an easy task. On the surface, I'm the epitome of perfection. All the lads and ladies turn to look when I walk by." He looked back over at the other man put himself on display. "Who wouldn't want to be with this?" He didn't wait for Anders to answer. "No one, that's who. But you've seen the real me, behind the chiseled abs and impeccable wit. You deal with all my quirks, and you love them for me anyway."

"You are odd at times, the mage admitted. "You're the only man I know who would spend the better part of a day lying on the floor next to a rug just so you could cut the fringe with a knife so it would all be even. Or, even though you don't believe in the Maker, you're the only one that says a prayer for each dragon we slay."

"They're beautiful animals though!"

"No, Love, _cats_ are beautiful animals," Anders corrected the other man. "They have nice warm fur, and they don't try to eat you."

"Who says something has to be warm to be beautiful?" the warrior asked. "Besides, some can breathe fire! I would love to be a dragon."

"I think that would be grounds for me leaving you."

"I guess that just proves that I love you more than you love me; I stick by you even though you're an abomination and closet dog lover."

"You have no idea how much I love you, Archer. And that's part of the reason why I wish you hadn't brought me here. I understand your reasoning, and I love that you need me. But I can't help but feel that I'm going to lose control. I can't always count on you to pull me back before something disastrous happens." The mage sighed heavily and went over to the pillar where Hawke had recently leaned against. He rested his back against the weathered stone and pushed a few strands of his blonde locks back behind his right ear. "If I ever hurt you like that, I don't know if I could live with myself."

Hawke smiled weakly and walked over to stand in front of the mage. He took off his right gauntlet and placed his hand on his lover's cheek, caressing it with his thumb. "Darling, you couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to. And even if you could, I'd get over it…maybe after a bit of punishment."

Anders chuckled and looked into the other man's eyes. "Just promise to keep distracting me until we get out of here. It's not as bad when you're entertaining me."

"Well, thank the Maker that I'm just about as entertaining as it gets," the warrior said as he pulled his hand back. "I could do the Carver jig for you."

"That's alright, Love," the mage said with a smile. He'd already witnessed that atrocity earlier that day when his lover sought to cheer his sister up. "From what I've gathered, the Hawkes have many skills, but dan _c_ ing does not appear to be one of them."

"Alright, then," Hawke said, a twinge of pain slicing into his ego. "I'll just tell you a story then." He set the gauntlet he'd taken off on the stone below his feet and proceeded to take off the other.

"Tell me a story?" the mage asked, intrigued by the prospect. "You're certainly no Varric, but it could be interesting. Just make sure it's not from one of the books Fenris is learning from. I mean, I'm glad we've moved on from 'Pet the Kitty' to 'If You Give a Nug a Cookie,' but I'm a little more advanced than that."

The warrior smiled at the other man and pressed a hand against the pillar Anders rested against to support his body as he leaned over his lover. "I don't think anyone is too advanced to enjoy 'The Tabby and the Mabari.'" He leaned in, gently pressing his lips against those of the mage and sucked on his bottom lip until Anders decided to speak.

"Never heard that one," he said, more of a moan than anything. He could feel blood slowly trickling downward as lips latched onto his neck, working on the sensitive flesh.

"I'm surprised," Hawke spoke against the moistened skin. "It's fantastic tale."

"Tell it to me," the mage commanded, raising up his hands from his sides to rest on the worn metal armor covering his lover's forearms.

"Once upon a time-" He stopped once he heard the other man laugh at him. The warrior nipped his neck hard to silence him, allowing him to continue his introduction. "-in a place not far from here, there lived the most handsome Mabari in all of Thedas. He was a magnificent beast – trim and heavily muscled with a rich black coat and stunning blue eyes. Nobel and strong, he traveled all over the land to fight the corrupt and to make a name for himself. Along with his faithful companions – a wolf with lyrium fur, a huge and manly ginger-colored bear, a lion prince, a kitten who enjoyed frolicking, a monkey with huge tits and no pants, and a nug with lots of fur on his chest – he was completely unstoppable." While telling the tale, Hawke worked his hands to part the lower section of the mage's robes, and his fingers fumbled around to find the laces of his trousers.

"One day, fate would have it that the Mabari would encounter a Tabby. The Mabari was in need of his help, and it just so happened that, after a little quid pro quo, the Tabby became a part of his group of companions. Cats in general were feared in these lands; their sharp claws and pointy carnivore teeth were a potential threat." The warrior paused a moment, trailing wet kisses up the mage's neck. As he licked the shell of the other man's lips, his hands worked the laces of his trousers apart, and he dipped his right hand into them. "And they had other weapons too." He took the blonde's growing bulge into his hand, still trapped by his smalls, and rejoiced in the soft moans leaving his lover's lips.

"So not every party member was overjoyed to have the Tabby join them, but the Mabari was happy to have his help. In fact, the ferocious canine became quite smitten with him, and the tabby with him as well. It was an unconventional affair, such different creatures having feelings for one another. It actually took three long years for them to finally admit it to one another." Hawke pulled his hand out and grabbed onto the other man's smalls, pulling them down along with his trousers to his ankles. The warrior got down on his knees and slicked a few fingers with saliva before snaking them between his lover's cheeks. But he didn't push a single finger in; rather, he tickled and teased around the entrance.

Anders squirmed and looked down at his lover, pleading with his eyes for the other man to do _something_. But Hawke just smiled back at him before speaking again. "Even when the Mabari and the Tabby told each other how they felt, both parties had their doubts. The Mabari was a powerful animal, and, though he had often supported cats before, getting in a relationship with one would solidify his place and cause tension in the city. And the Tabby, besides being naturally powerful and a potential danger, played host to a…flea. Named Justice. He feared that this would only bring pain and heartache to the Mabari. But the large black beast didn't care as he knew he was a danger. He had a hunger deep within him, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he'd devour him."

As soon as he'd spoken these last words, Hawke parted his lips and engulfed the other man's length. His fingers slowly worked inside his lover, one by one, and he felt the blonde start to melt. Lips and tongue slid over the tender flesh and hot breath seared it all the while. Before he'd been with Anders, the warrior had never done this to anyone. But a little practice and guidance from the mage had allowed him to hone his skills, making the other man buck and moan as each time seemed to get just a little bit better.

Anders pressed upper back firmly against the stone and reached down, threading the medium-length black hairs on his lover's head between his fingers. He groaned, feeling the fingers inside him curl just so, hitting the sweet spot inside of him. Every thought had left his mind – be they his own, or Justices, or the darkspawn – save one; the man he so deeply loved attending to him in his time of need was nothing more than pure, unadulterated bliss. He could hate and fear these roads, and they could threaten to tear him down. But the man in front of him would be all the support he needed to get through it.

Just a few moments passed before the blonde felt the release building inside him. He tugged hard on Hawke's hair to grab his attention. "Archer…"

The warrior wasn't keen on swallowing, but his lover needed him and every ounce of support he could give. One hard suck against the other man was all that was needed to send him straight over the edge, and hot, bitter fluid flooded Hawke's mouth. The mage cried out, caring about no one that heard him and felt like he could collapse to the floor beneath him. But he was still attached to the other man by fingers and mouth, so he wasn't going anywhere. The warrior did his best to steady him as he let the length slide free, and he held the blonde close as he got up off of his knees.

"What happened to them? In the story," the mage asked as his breathing steadied.

"I didn't think that far," Hawke admitted. "Happily ever after?"

Anders smiled and leaned in to kiss the other man, the taste of himself still lingering on his lips. "Keep distracting me. Please?"

"Let it be known that the only thing I like about you being a Grey Warden is your stamina," the warrior said, pushing the mage back hard against the pillar.

Anders let out a sound as the air was knocked form his lungs. The other man ravaged his lips with his own, and he struggled to breathe through his nose. Hawke was naturally a bit heavier than the mage, but his massive plate armor added quite a bit. The blonde struggled below him in body and mind, loving the power pressed over him yet fearing he'd never take another breath. But the warrior could feel the subtle movements and hear the soft whimpers being whined between kisses, and he realized he was crushing the other man.

"Fuck, sorry, Anders," he apologized as he pushed himself away from his lover. "You don't know what you do to me."

The mage just smiled as he recovered and watched, mesmerized as the other man started to remove the bulkier pieces of his armor which would hinder him from performing the task at hand – the pauldrons, breast plate, back plate, chainmail skirt, and cuisse. The remaining pieces stayed on his body, as did his underclothes, revealing far less skin than the blonde would like. He, still stripped from waist to ankle, felt the need aching in his loins, and he silently cursed the other man for leaving so much to the imagination.

Hawke moved back close to the other man, kissing him once roughly and gripping onto his firm shaft. "You want me to fuck you up against this pillar? Keep everything out of your mind until it's only me and you and these dusty roads?"

Anders whimpered and moaned under the warrior's touch. "Sweet Maker, yes."

Hawke let go of him and worked to unlace the ties of his trousers. He pulled them down just enough along with his smalls to allow his length to spring free. Placing his hands on both of the mage's shoulders, he pressed down just enough for the mage to feel a slight pressure beneath the feathered pauldrons. He was putty in the other man's hands, and he instinctively slid down to his knees. With his right hand, he took hold of his lover's erection and dove right in, lips and tongue sliding expertly over the veiny flesh.

The warrior groaned, thrusting forward to push himself deeper into Anders' mouth. "Yeah, good boy; just like that. Make it nice and wet so I can fuck you." He grunted as he felt this tip of his length hit the back of the other man's throat, and he leaned forward to support himself against the stone column just behind the other man. The mage groaned around the flesh in his mouth, the taste and scent of his lover – sweat, musk, and pure masculinity – causing his stomach to flutter. He always felt his best like this, pleasing his man and being filled by him in some way, and his mind was nearly clear of absolutely everything. There was nothing else but a primal, animalistic need for sex.

Lips tore away from flesh as Hawke gripped his fingers into the mage's golden locks and yanked his head back. Their eyes met each other, and not a word needed to be said. There was hunger, desire, and Anders hardly had the chance to push himself up off of his knees and to his feet before he felt his back connecting to the stone once more. He spread his legs, and gasped as roughened hands grabbed onto the cheeks of his arse. The mage reached between them, finding the slickened length of his lover and guided it back towards his exposed entrance. The leaking tip pressed against him, and he tried to push himself down onto it, but the warrior held him firmly in place.

"I don't care what the voices in your head say," Hawke declared. "You're _mine,_ and they don't get to consume you."

Anders stared at him, alarmed by the conflicting look of both confidence and sadness in his lover's blue eyes. He'd never be able to give himself up to this man completely, and both of them knew it. As much as Hawke admitted that he was fine with it, that he would completely support the mage in whatever he did, he would do this on occasion and use a command as more of a plea. It never went anywhere, and it was never discussed any further. But it wasn't fair to him, Anders knew; the warrior gave him every ounce of himself, and that was just something he would never be able to return. But he still gave him everything he could, and that was undoubtedly one of the many reasons he felt so right submitting to his lover once the doors were closed. And he would do that for as long as he could until he had no choice but to hurt him.

"I was yours the moment you walked into my clinic asking for those maps," the mage offered, however true it was or wasn't. Both of them knew though neither of them corrected it.

Hawke bucked his hips upward, mercilessly sending his length inside of the other man until it was mostly sheathed by his flesh. Anders cried out in pain, in pleasure, as he hung onto the sleeves of his lover's shirt. Teeth marred the skin of his flesh and the wetness of lips and tongue soothed as they worked together, writhing and thrusting.

"Mine," the warrior murmured against Anders' lips between grunts and groans. It was quiet, but it was angry, stern. He bit and sucked on his lower lip and dug his fingernails into the mounds of flesh that he was still holding tightly onto. He marked the skin, desperate to claim the other man in any way that he could. Anders moaned his name and cried out as he felt more of the other man's weight thrown against him, trapping his erection between them. The friction caused by their movements and the varying textures of the cloth and straps against the sensitive skin sent the mage bucking his hips in pleasure.

"Say it, Anders. Say it and let it be true this time," he insisted, the anger in his voice being washed away.

The mage was so hurt, so pained that he couldn't utter a word between his attempts to muffle moans. The warrior tightened his grasp on the other man and lifted him up until his boots no longer made contact with the road below. The mage, though completely supported by stone and muscle, wrapped his legs around his lover's waist to feel more secure. And still, he did not answer and merely rest his head in the crook of his neck.

"Please," Hawke muttered, this time a more of a whine, a plea no longer masked by his normal strength and confidence. "Please just need me like I need you. Don't ever leave me."

And at that very moment, the mage's heart broke. The man holding him up, still deep inside him and barely moving, had finally torn down the fortress of humor and cockiness that he readily hid behind. _No,_ he thought. _I broke it, Justice broke it, and the taint broke it._ He slid his hands up from the warrior's arms and up to hold onto each side of his head. They fixed their gazes onto each other, and the mage couldn't recall seeing that look in Hawke's eyes since his mother had died. He leaned in to kiss him and pulled back just enough to speak. "I do need you, Archer. And that's why I'm here; I'm selfish. A kinder man wouldn't put you through what I have done or undoubtedly will do." He didn't know where his quest for mage freedom would take him yet, but he always knew it could only end it heartache. "But, I swear to you, this ending will not be because I want it to. I will stand by you until you choose otherwise or until I am called to my death."

The warrior thrust into the other man as hard as he could, groans covering up the cracking in his throat that threatened to reveal themselves as cries of pain and frustration. "My world only exists if you're in it," he finally managed to admit. We're either together in life or in death, never apart. I'll support you in anything you'll do. Just be mine. Please."

"Then I'm yours, Archer Hawke," he said, believing it more now than he ever had when uttering those words before. Their lips crashed together in hunger, need, pain, and love, and their movements together picked up to find a steady rhythm that was far more gentle than their usual pace. Anders finally felt some peace, not in the way he imagined by distraction, but by knowing that he would never be alone in any of this, regardless of how fair it was or not. He was held there between a pillar of stone and a pillar of strength, and that was all the comfort he could possibly need.

It wasn't long before both men reached climax, and, after Hawke decided that Anders would still be there even if he released him from his embrace, they decided it was best to head back before Bethany or Isabela came looking for them. Upon returning, they found the pirate sleeping in what had to be the most uncomfortable position in the world – her head and neck jammed against a rock at a painful angle that would mean that she would likely need Anders' attention in the morning. The youngest Hawke was keeping watch by a low-burning fire. She smiled brightly when she saw the men enter their make-shift camp, and she rushed over to her brother to hug him tightly.

"I was getting worried about you two," she sighed with relief as she let go of the warrior and moved on to Anders.

"There's never a reason to worry about me, Beth; there's nothing I can't handle." He used his thumb to gesture at his lover. "This one on the other hand…"

Anders just rolled his eyes and, with the faintest of smiles, retreated over near Isabela to attempt to sleep. The past few nights in the Roads had been cruel to him in a number of ways, one of which being the lack of sleep. But he felt calm enough, at least for the moment, and hoped that tonight he would finally get some rest. The warrior had offered to take his watch as well to allow him more time, and, for once, the mage couldn't resist.

"Why don't you get some sleep, Bethany? I can take it from here."

"Always the hero," she said with a smile. She reclaimed her place in front of the fire and patted the ground next to her, inviting her brother to join. "We've been down here for days, the first time we've seen each other in years, and I'm still waiting for you to just talk to me."

Hawke sat down next to his sister and shifted around until he got comfortable. _There is nothing comfortable about heavy plate armor and an ancient road under your arse._ He gently draped an arm over the mage's shoulders and pulled her close to him. "I don't know what you're talking about. We've talked while walking and between battling darkspawn. And here we are right now, enjoying the beautiful sights and sounds of this place. I don't think I've ever heard Isabela snore this loud."

"Archie, you know what I mean. I haven't seen you in years, and you're talking to me as though we have brunch once a week."

"Don't be silly; I'd never have brunch with anyone."

She pushed his arm away and gave him a stern look, but that was quickly washed away as she saw the smirk on her brother's face, illuminated by the fading fire light. She glanced over at Anders who had found a place on the ground to rest. He had taken off his robe and balled it up to make a pillow, and his steady breathing suggested that he'd fallen asleep some time ago. "How long has this been going on?"

"Oh, Anders has been crazy long before we met him, I'd speculate. But you know that."

"If you're not going to be serious with me for once in your life, I'll just be off to bed then. Really, Archer, I'd think you'd have more to say to me after all these years." She started to get up, but he pulled her right back down.

"About three years after you were taken to the Circle. We had a fight, and we were blurting out things and finally both realized that we had had feelings for each other for a long time. He's been living with me ever since."

"Are you not worried about the repercussions that could occur from you being with him?"

The warrior took a moment to stare at the sleeping mage and turned back to his sister with a smile. "Not for a moment."

She smiled back at him and leaned over to rest her head on the cold metal covering his shoulder. "I never imagined to come back and see you settled down with someone. And I have to admit, I certainly never would have expected it to be with another man. I can't imagine how Mother reacted, and I'm surprised that she didn't write to me about it."

"She was less than thrilled at first," the warrior admitted with a chuckle. "With Carver gone and you in the Circle, she had it in mind that I was the only hope for continuing our family line. And clearly I'm going to have a bit of an issue doing that with Anders. Sure, we have the furry kids, but apparently that's not the same. Luckily, he can be charming when he needs to be, and she quickly came to see how much I loved him, so she couldn't help but love him as well. She was happy that I was happy for once, and I'm glad I at least got that before she-" He trailed off, the pain of the way he had lost his mother clouding his thoughts. When he wrote his sister to tell her of their mother's passing, he failed to mention the gruesome details, and it was something he always planned to keep from her. But those memories still haunted him, and he struggled to deal with them. "Anders really is great though," he continued. "I took him in, gave him a bath, and fattened him up a bit. He's perfect once you get past the angst and the nasty old robe and the whole Justice thing."

Bethany sighed and used a small spell to keep the fire before them lit. "And here I thought you were about to be serious for a moment. One of these days, you're not going to have something funny or sarcastic to hide behind, and you'll have to deal with things just like everyone else does. I just worry about it all becoming too much for you."

"You didn't follow me and Anders, did you?" he asked with a furrowed brow. His stomach churned at the thought of his baby sister discovering him and Anders in the state they'd just recently been in. She merely shook her head, not knowing what to say. A bit relieved, Hawke leaned back on his hands, legs outstretched towards the fire. "I appreciate the concern, Beth, but I'm fine. And I'm plenty serious when all the right people are looking."

"What about when they're not, Archie? Isn't there ever a time that you just stop with the jokes or sarcastic remarks? It's been so long that I can hardly remember."

"I don't know how else to do it."

"Do what?"

"Everything," he said quietly. "If I can lighten the situation, then I can get through it. It's what I've always done, and it's all I know how to do. I can't remember a time before running away, hiding. Keeping our life a secret, taking care of everyone when Father died – if I could just make everyone laugh, I could hide how bad I was at it all. I might be a good fighter and a decent leader, but I don't know how to handle any of this. The things that are expected of me, that have been expected of me since I was so young, are far too much. I'm asked to help people, defend them, fight for them, but I was never even able to keep my family safe. Carver died because I didn't get to the ogre before him. Mother died because I was too slow in saving her. And I wasn't even there to stop them when they took you from us. So if I'm going to pretend like everything is alright and let people think that I can still be their Champion, I have to hide behind the sarcasm and a massive lie of an ego."

"Don't you dare blame their deaths on yourself. And you know I went willingly. I'm happy there, and you need to accept that." She turned her gaze from the fire so she could better see her brother. Physically, he hadn't changed much. His hair was a little longer than she'd last remembered it, and the sun had caused a bit of fading in his tattoo. But the strong, goofy man that she had always loved and respected more than anyone in this world had started to doubt himself, and she barely knew how to process that. "Please just tell me you'll be alright. How will the world rely on you if you're not?"

"I'll be fine, Bethany. I can fake my way through most things, and I've got Anders to get me through the rest. Don't tell him I told you this, but I think I'm only still sane because of him. I just wouldn't want him to start getting an ego." He looked over at his sleeping lover and couldn't help but smile when he saw that the blonde had a mouth full of feathers, still attached to the pauldrons of his robe.

"Don't forget that you have me too, Big Brother."

Hawke pulled his sister into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Beth. Now tell me everything about the Circle. I hear that everyone is kissing everyone there. No one better be kissing you though. Do they know who your brother is?"

 

***

The remainder of the party's time in the Deep Roads was busy, stressful, and enlightening to say the least. Out of them all, Anders struggled the most with his own control, as well as with everything they discovered while on their journey. But Hawke was by his side every step of the way, and he helped him to maintain his sanity as best he could. As traumatic of an experience as it was, it was just another way that the two grew closer as they realized that they were only still alive and functioning because of the other man.

As soon as they reached the surface, Isabela rushed back to the Hanged Man, no doubt for a drink and a bath in that order, and Anders and the Hawke siblings made it back to the estate. Bethany never had a chance to see her mother's childhood home, so she was eager to get a tour. But unfortunately, the Circle had only allowed her to leave to assist her brother, and her time outside of the Gallows was limited now that they had returned. A brief, private discussion was all they had before it was time for Hawke to take his sister back. Anders asked to join them, not wanting his lover to endure the torturous silence of the walk home, but he didn't want Anders anywhere near that place.

The silence the mage wanted him to avoid was what Hawke actually needed; a moment alone after nearly two weeks below the surface. Between the fighting and trying to keep Anders calm, the brief silences were filled by Isabela's recounts of her life at sea and the occasional embarrassing story centered around Hawke shared by all three of his companions. _Why anyone needed to know that I used to steal my sister's doll to sleep with at night, I'm not sure. Now I can't trust anybody._ So the ability to just think, to reflect on everything truly life-changing that happened down there, was quite welcome. He wasn't sure how to process everything that had happened, but he could start to work through it all and move on.

It was midafternoon once the warrior made it back to his estate, and he couldn't recall a time that he needed a bath more. Dirt and grime had essentially become one with his skin, and he was almost too scared to stand in front of a mirror to see what his hair looked like. So when he entered his home and Bodahn had informed him that there was a hot bath waiting for him, he nearly kissed the man in all of his joy. He ran up the stairs and quickly discarded his armor and underclothes before entering the washroom.

"Fuck, you look good," he growled as he saw Anders standing in front of the mirror, hair and body damp from bathing. He wore only a pair gray trousers and a smile on his cleanly-shaven face. The warrior moved behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist, and pushed a dripping lock of golden hair back behind his ear so he could kiss along his temple and cheek.

The mage laughed and squirmed away from the slightly larger man. "Don't touch me; you're disgusting. Bodahn refilled the tub with fresh water for you. I'll heat it up if it's not warm enough for you."

Hawke just laughed and went over to the water, gently testing it with a few fingers. It was warm enough, but quickly fading. He stepped in over the ledge and sat down on a bench that had been built into the tub. With a sigh, he leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the water start to wash the dirt away.

"Is the water alright?" the mage asked.

"Wonderful."

 _Not exactly the answer I wanted to hear._ Anders walked over to the tub and moved to the very end where his lover sat. As he kneeled down on the tile floor, he dipped a few fingertips into the water, which he determined to be just a hint too cold, and cast a warm glow of magic to heat things up a bit. Hawke quickly became aware of what he was doing and opened his eyes as he turned slightly to the right to see the other man. He smiled and took the mage's hand in his own, and then brought it to his lips to kiss.

"I love you, and I always will. No matter what."

The blonde smiled and pulled his hand away. He reached for the new bar of honey-scented soap on the edge of the tub and started to lather his hands in it. "I love you too, Archer. I don't know what would have happened had you not been down there with me."

Hawke dipped his head under the water to wet his shaggy black hair and leaned back to allow Anders to work on it. "It was my fault that you were down there in the first place. But you're right; you're hopeless without me, and that's why I think I'm just going to have to chaperone everything you do from now on." With his back to the mage, he couldn't see him roll his eyes, but he had no doubt it had happened.

And Anders did roll his eyes as he'd come to do so often in response to his sarcastic, egotistical lover. Sometimes there simply wasn't another response to be given, especially when anything he said would just be thrown right back at him. So he just continued to work his soap-slicked fingers on his lover's head and scalp, washing away weeks of filth. "You need to cut your hair and shave, Love. You hardly look like yourself."

Hawke brought his right hand up out of the water to feel along his jawline. "You don't like my beard?"

"Rinse," the mage ordered as he took his hands away. Once the warrior was finished dunking his head under the water to wash out the soap, he answered him. "I love your beard, but it doesn't exactly give you the look one would expect from the Champion. You may be the master of stubble, but only a few patches here and there continue to grow out; you look like a teenager." He took the soap and began to work it over his lover's body, lathering up each and every inch he could reach. Once his neck was clean and rinsed, he placed his lips over the moist skin and kissed and sucked until he heard the other man moan.

"You should get in here with me so you can reach everything," the warrior suggested, finding his lover's hand with the soap working over the skin above his navel. He pulled on it, beckoning it to go lower.

"I'm not getting in that disgusting water with you after I just got clean myself; it's bad enough that I've got half of my arm in there. Besides, I'm sure you're just interested in making sure that you're spotless and nothing more, and I can do that outside of the tub," Anders said with a smile. He got up off of his knees and stood so he could extend his reach a little farther. He continued down, avoiding anywhere particularly sensitive, and worked down his sides, hips, and the upper parts of his legs.

"I think you missed something."

"Really? I don't think that I did."

The smile on the mage's face was so sly, so teasing that Hawke felt he had no choice but to overpower him. He turned his upper body towards the other man, grabbed him by the sides and hauled him into the tub with him, sending water pouring out the sides. Anders gasped as he collected himself and threw the soap he was still holding at his lover's face.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked, glowering look on his face.

"Everything I do is carefully planned out and completely necessary," the warrior assured him with a smile. He pulled the other man towards him and kissed him roughly on the lips and nibbled on his bottom lip as he pulled back.

Anders did his best to suppress a moan. "Even ruining my trousers and making a mess on the floor that you're surely not going to clean up yourself."

"Absolutely. Now, speaking of those trousers…" Hawke reached for the mage's hips to find the waistband, and pulled them down and off of the soaking mage. Once he threw them outside of the tub with a splat on the floor, he pulled the other man onto his lap and licked and sucked along the front of your neck. "Let me fuck you; it's been way too long."

Anders smiled and wondered what "too long" was to the rest of the world. They hadn't had sex since the pillar, and that had only been a week ago. But, no matter how tired the mage was, he couldn't deny the other man. He just had to say the words, and he was left pliable, completely happy to please and comply. The mage reached down between them and grasped onto his lover's erection, causing a gasp to leave the warrior's lips. "Of course, Love. But I think sometime soon, if you want to, I should top for you again."

Hawke thought back to the one and only time that had happened previously, way back during their little experiment with orgasm denial. They hadn't done it since, and he really didn't mind the thought of doing it again; it was the admitting it that he minded. "We'll see," he responded as he lifted the mage up some, positioning the tip of his length at his lover's entrance.

Anders moved himself backward, causing the other man's erection to slip away. He could see the confusion in his lover's eyes, and so he kissed along his jawline and said, "I just want to take care of you, Love. You took care of me when I needed it most down below the surface. Let me pay you back. Please?"

"I don't know, Anders," the warrior responded, hiding any bit of excitement he could feel growing inside him. "I don't need to be paid back for anything, and we both prefer it the other way around."

"We won't if you don't want to, but I think it might be nice for a change every once and a while." The mage couldn't tell what his lover was thinking, but he was pretty sure that he knew the magic words. "And you can be on top; still the one in charge."

Hawke thought about it for a moment, and, with a sigh, motioned for Anders to move off of him so he could get up. The mage got off of him and stood up, letting the water pour down from his body and back into the tub. The warrior followed suit and pulled the other man against him, kissing and biting at the left side of his neck. Anders moaned and leaned into his lovers lips. Merely a moment passed before they got out of the water, each drying off on a clean towel and dropping it to the floor. At any other time, both men would worry a bit more about the state of the washroom, but there was sex to be had.

The warrior followed Anders into the bedroom, both excitement and nervousness completely overwhelming him. He truly had enjoyed it the first time; it was tremendously uncomfortable at first, but Anders was gentle with him and made sure he wasn't in pain for the duration of it. But it still wasn't within his normal comfort zone to be the bottom, and he was struggling with that. Though he made a fool of himself on a fairly regular basis in front of his lover, he preferred not doing so in the bedroom. Regardless, he trusted his mage, and knew that he'd be just fine.

"Where do you want me, Love?" Anders asked, standing on the rug in front of the fireplace.

"Uh, wherever you want, Darling," Hawke said, eying the room. "I just want you to be comfortable when you're screaming my name."

Anders smiled. "You're the one that's going to be riding my cock, Love. Shouldn't _you_ be the one screaming?"

The warrior grabbed onto his shoulders and pressed down on him hard, causing him to lose balance and drop to his knees. He looked down at the startled mage, a scowl on his face. He grabbed onto his lover's chin and tilted it upwards so their eyes met. " _You_ are the screamer, and don't you forget it." The mage wanted so badly to push forward and take the other man's length into his mouth, the excitement for Hawke's forceful nature fueling his primal urges. But his lover's grip was steady, so, instead, he grabbed his own erection and began to furiously pump it up and down.

"Look at yourself," Hawke snarled. "You really want to do this the other way around? You can barely control yourself."

"Go get the oil, Archer," Anders demanded. He blushed as he said it, not usually the one to make many requests behind closed doors.

The warrior considered it, and let go of the mage's chin. "Don't forget your place, mag-Oh fuck!"

It seemed Anders had remembered his place as he lunged forward, taking Hawke's length into his mouth, past lips and teeth, all the way to the hilt. He relaxed his throat as best he could to accommodate the thick, veiny flesh, and started to work over it with his tongue. The warrior leaned forward in surprise, grabbing onto his lover's shoulders for support. Only a moment passed before the mage pulled back and looked up at the other man with a smile spread across his lips. "You're in charge, Archie, but it's my job to at least get us to where we need to be."

Hawke nodded and let go of the other man before he went over to the nightstand to the right of their bed to grab a fairly new vial of oil. Had he thought ahead, the warrior would have started keeping track of how many they'd used since the start of their relationship, but he lost count after the fifth one. _At least I have plenty of leather and blades to make it seem like this isn't all just for sex,_ he thought. _But then again, I don't really mind anyone knowing what a sexual masterpiece I am._ Gathering the oil, he went back over to where his lover was now sitting on the rug, his legs outstretched and his weight resting on the palms of his hands. The fire was crackling, and the light illuminated the mage's lean and muscled body. The dark-haired man's gaze traveled down each and every contour, and it lingered once it got to his long cock. He was beginning to feel nervous again, not having so much as a finger inside him for months.

The mage shifted his weight onto one hand and lifted the other to grab the vial out of his lover's hand. He set it on the floor and then pulled the other man down to his level. Hawke leaned over him and kissed him once roughly on the lips. He moved to where he was straddling Ander's hips, their erections pressed up against one another. The mage, still resting on one hand, used his other to trail down his lover's back until he reached his arse. "Do you want me to prepare you?"

The warrior didn't dare open his mouth, fearing that his naturally deep voice would come out as more of a squeak as he tried to respond. Instead, he simply nodded and grasped onto the vial, uncorking it so that he could over a few of the other man's fingers in the viscous fluid. Anders smiled and kissed along the other man's clavicles, attempting to sooth him in any way he knew how. He took his oil-coated fingers and placed them each with the tips at his lover's entrance. Hawke squirmed as he felt them move against him, and he felt a yelp escape his lips once a single finger penetrated him, one phalanx after another until it was in up to the knuckle.

"Fucking move or something," Hawke hissed.

Anders chuckled and worked his finger in and out of his excruciatingly tight lover, and, after a moment passed, pressed a second finger inside of him to join the first. He scissored and stretched the area and lapped against the warrior's left nipple, eliciting him to moan. Finally, a third and final finger was added and Hawke couldn't help but groan out the other man's name. He rest his forehead against the top of the other man's head and felt his head swim as fingers curled just so, hitting the sensitive spot inside him. He truly did prefer to doing this the other way around, but he now understood, more than ever, why the mage loved this so much.

"I have to pull out; I can't hold myself up on one hand any longer," Anders admitted as his left arm shook under the pressure. He removed his fingers and brought his arm back to lean on, and he looked up at the other man who straddled him. Smiling, he extended his neck to capture his lips with his own and moaned as he felt a tongue plunge into the depths of his mouth. As the kissed, Hawke took the oil and coated his hand in it, and then he gripped onto the mage's length to transfer the fluid. Anders bucked up against the touch and deepened the kiss, wrapping his lips around the warrior's tongue and sucking at it. He was ready – so utterly ready – that he feared how long he would be able to last.

Hawke pulled away from their kiss, a single strand of saliva the only remaining connection to their lips. He lifted up his back end and took the mage's length into his hand. Positioning it just so, he took a deep breath and started to sink down onto it, air escaping as a groan through clenched teeth. He desperately tried not to resist, to let it slide in as far as it could, but the smooth musculature inside of him was beyond his control.

"Oh, fucking Void," Anders groaned as he threw his head back. "So tight, Love. Maker, you're so fucking tight."

"Trust me, I can tell," the warrior said with a pained breath. He leaned forward and licked up along the front of his lover's neck, and worked to press down further. Slowly his body allowed him to accommodate the foreign length, and he groaned loudly as he was able to sit down on it completely. "Fuck!" Even having done this once before, he'd never been filled so completely. His arms felt weak, but he knew he had to move so he pressed the mage all the way down on his back and supported his own weight on his hands, splayed upon the expanse of his chest. Slowly, he began to rise, letting the length slide out of him until it was nearly out and then he sunk back down against it.

Anders moaned and stared up at his lover, mouth agape and hands wildly trying to find somewhere to grip onto. They finally settled on the warrior's hips, and he dug into the flesh with the pads of his fingers. He slid his feet up towards his head, bending his knees straight up to the ceiling. As Hawke pushed down against him, he bucked his hips upwards, sending himself deeper inside.

"You like me riding you?" Hawke asked after a few minutes passed and he finally felt he could form a coherent though.

"Oh, fuck, Love, yes. It feels so good; you're so damn tight."

The warrior slammed down harder and changed the angle just so, allowing the tip of the mage's erection to graze against his prostate. He moaned out in pleasure and grabbed onto his own length to furiously work up and down from root to tip. "You want me to come on you, don't you, mage?" he asked with a groan. "Just like you fucking came on me last time we did this."

As he groaned out in pleasure and gripped even harder onto his lover's hips, Anders couldn't help but laugh as he remembered the last time this happened. He'd stopped the other man just short of his release and then taunted him as he came to his own. _All's fair in love and orgasm denial._ "Yes, I do, Love. You almost there?"

Hawke moaned and nodded his head as he continued to move along Anders length. He gripped tightly onto his own shaft with one hand and grabbed onto the mage's neck with the other, pulling his head up off of the rug. "Open," was all he had to say before the blonde did as he was told, parting his lips, ready to take his lover's seed. The warrior stayed his movements against the mage and only had to stroke himself a few more times before his release tore through him. Ropes of hot, white fluid shot out from his length and he did his best to aim at his lover's mouth. A few glistening strands hit the mage's chin and neck, but most made it towards its target.

Anders groaned at the familiar taste and bucked his hips up hard against the other man, slamming his tip against his prostate as he continued to come. The tightening around his length, caused by the warrior's tensing, made him moan and writhe until he felt himself coming as well. He'd meant to ask his lover if he wanted this, but the excitement of it all didn't allow for it. So, whether he wanted it or not, Hawke felt the warm liquid shoot up inside of him.

"Shit!" he hissed at the new sensation. He wasn't exactly how to feel about it, but it wasn't bad, per se. The warrior sighed, still in the process of catching his breath, and collapsed down onto the other panting man. They laid there for what seemed an eternity, their breathing finally starting to match each other. Hawke found one of Anders' hands and entwined his fingers with those of his lover's. Both men had long since softened and each felt sleep threatening to take them over.

"Thank you," Anders whispered, his thumb stroking the skin along the back of his lover's hand.

"For letting you fuck me?"

"Well, sure," the mage said with a small chuckle. "But mostly for just always being there for me; taking care of me. I wouldn't still be here if it weren't for you."

"Don't you dare talk like that," Hawke insisted as he moved off of the other man and over to his side. "You'd be fine without me, but I'm never giving you the chance to find that out. As much as you claim I take care of you, you take care of me as well. It's a wonder I can feed myself without your guidance."

"You're like a helpless little kitten," Anders said with a smile. "No wonder I love you so much."

"I love you too," the warrior responded. He nestled up close to the other man and felt sleep starting to consume him. "Now rest up, Darling. We've only got a few more days before we need to head out to Orlais."


End file.
